Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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