We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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