I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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