I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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