just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
