Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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