do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
