I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
