conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
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The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
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Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
as a side note pls kill me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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