PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My bed smells like the plague
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
