I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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