I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
