my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
