i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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