Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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