I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
