I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
