her vagine was all disorganized.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
