he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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