what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
