hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
