Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
