Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
