I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
