God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
In America we eat man semen.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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