I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
