I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
