Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
