Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
