I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
