Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
