Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
