Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
