dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
