You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
