you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
