Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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