I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You're like the curious george of whores
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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