It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
