Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
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