our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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