was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think a kid would responsible me up
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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