i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
