just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
