the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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