my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
