sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
