Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
