bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
