He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
