Just cropdusted the office
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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