the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
