Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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