Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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