Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
