Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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