"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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