I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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