She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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