dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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