i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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