i think my tv is drunk
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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