At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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