Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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