Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
