i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
