I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
