i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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