I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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