I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
