I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
