Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
